The Most Awkward Conversation I Ever Had

There's this girl who also goes to Emerson who works next to me at Film Roman. Don't get me wrong. She's a really nice girl, a very hard worker but...well, just keep reading.

*Think the Asian girlfriend from Knocked Up

It comes down to 1pm, and at this time we both coincidentally decide to take our lunch break.

"Where are you going?" she asks
"Subway" I replied.
"Oh I can give you a ride,"

Seeing how I had no car and Subway was about a ten minute walk, I decided to go with her. This means I had to find at least something to talk to her about seeing how we were sharing a ride and about to have lunch together. So I tried to think of things to talk to her about, and I remember that she came in about fifteen minutes late that morning. I decided to go with that.

"So I saw you came in late today,"
"Yeeeeaaah"
"Did you miss your alarm clock or something?" I said, because I figure that's the most normal reason why someone would come in late to work. I would soon find out that this was giving her way to much benefit of the doubt.

"No that's not the reason. Do you know the show Chuck?"
"Um...yeah."

For those who don't know Chuck is a (terrible) action-comedy show on NBC, if you coudln't tell by the picture on the right.

Wondering how a struggling primetime NBC replacement show could possibly have caused someone to come in late to work, I made the mistake of asking her why.

"Well, I really, really like the show" she said. I knew things weren't going to go so well after that. "I was having this dream where like I was his girlfriend."

Struggling to make sense of a completely nonsensical situation I stammered, "Oh, um...yeah sometimes I have dreams that are so intense I don't get up til late."

"Oh no, I got up in time. I just wanted to go back to sleep have that dream again."

"...."

I had nothing. I had absolutely nothing for that. I tried as best as I could to change the subject but my brain was so confused that I couldn't even talk for the rest car ride there. I couldn't even think of anything to say while we're ordering food at Subway. Not even when we sat down. And this was all a huge mistake because it gave her the opportunity to take control of the conversation. And what's the first thing she decides to talk about when we sit down? You guessed it, World of War Craft.

For the next ten minutes or so that's all she was talking about. And it wasn't like she was just talking and telling me about her elves and warlocks in an informative manner. She was trying to be satirical about it. Only I, like 95% of the normal world don't have a goddamn clue about the nuances of an MMORPG. It was like a stand-up comedian who tried to do observational comedy using only Dungeon & Dragon references. "I mean what's the deal with Elves??? I mean am I supposed to be impressed with your magic when you're only three foot tall??? Also, don't you just hate it when you're in a party of six and NO ONE has a key to the secret dungeon? I mean helllllooooooo????"

And just when I asked God what I possibly could've done to deserve all this she for some reason brings up the last possible thing I ever wanted to know about her: her love life in high school.

She explained "Ugh I use to know this guy who had a crush on me in high school. He was such a nerd. I used to him beat up and stuff him in lockers." It was at this point where my entire universe was tipped upside down. In my eyes, you could literally see my brain come to a screeching halt because it had enough trying to make sense of ANYTHING. Up became down, black became white, Mannequin became The Godfather, and having sexual fantasies of NBC characters and revolving your life around WoW apparently wasn't the nerdiest thing you could do.

I can't even begin to explain to you how frightening it is to even begin to picture someone so nerdy that even she was forced to attack him. That's like dividing by zero. That's like the cast of Glee gay-bashing somebody. The human brain was not meant to picture these kind of things.

So that's my story of the most awkward conversation I've ever had in my life. I hate to sound mean, but I needed to write about it and get it off my chest.