The Gum-Drug Metaphor

One of the age old questions is given a type/brand of gum what drug is it similar too? Last night we answered that question.

So as my friends and I furiously debated over which gum was which drug we came up with the following.

Zebra Gum -- Crack
Zebra Gum may be the best tasting gum of all time. However as everyone knows Zebra gum lasts about 30 seconds. In drug terms this is about 5-10 minutes. Now I wikipediad Crack and found that the high of Crack releases a bunch of chemicals in your brain that make you feel good for about 5-10 minutes. Zebra Gum and Crack both have their advantages (zebra gum -- great tasting, TATOOS!, crack -- great feeling, great stories) But both have the disadvantage of not lasting long.

Stride Gum -- Cocaine
Stride Gum is the cocaine of the gum world. Stride gum is a white collar gum that costs more than zebra gum and lasts alot longer too. Stride Gum is essentially made up of the same thing as Zebra Gum. That thing would be gum. Crack and Cocaine are made up of the same thing as well. (Cocaine). I wikipediad Cocaine and could not find how long the cocaine high lasts so I made up that the high lasts one hour. Stride gum lasts about 10 minutes which in the gum to drug time conversion formula is 1 hour. Cocaine also doesnt have as much of a high as crack. Similarly, Stride doesnt taste good as Zebra gum. So to recap advantages of Cocaine -- high lasts longer, your cooler if you buy it. Stride -- taste lasts longer, cooler if u buy it. Disadvantages of Cocaine (not as good a high, trying to be white collar) Disadvantages of Stride (not as good tasting, no cool zebra tatoos)