Andrew G Puts Silverware Down His Pants

Westfield State College 5-7-10
Gambles:

If I roll a 7 you have to put all the silverware down your pants at the next apartment we go too

Best part of the story is that Andrew forgot to take them out of his pants. So as we are leaving the apartment spoons are falling from his pants.

College Girls claim bisexuality, Andrew G tells them to shut the fuck up.

Our nation's recent advancements in homosexual equality have made it not just socially acceptable, but trendy and hip to rub your genitals on whatever you can think of, with the only limits being your own imagination. This is great news for all you zoo-goers who can't help but keep noticing the emu that keeps eyeballing you from a distance, but I feel like this is hurting the gay-rights cause more than it is helping it.

I use the bestiality reference to make a point. America treats homosexuals as exotic animals, not as people, and we try to pass it off as accepting, social consciousness .Emerson College is one of, if not the single most gay-friendly campuses in America. Which is awesome, and I'm honestly proud to say that about my alma-mater. But you would think after all the exposure my fellow students and I have to the gay community, we'd be just a little desensitized to the whole thing. Nope. I feel like a student can't come out of the closet without fifty reporters bombarding him, flashing pictures, and shoving microphones in the poor kid's face demanding to know JUST what' its like to have another man's scrotum placed on your uvula.

Where did all this idol worship come from? I feel like it was only five year ago where the country was still run by ignorant, God fearing zealots who just couldn't even stand to fathom the idea of two men having sex without having to confess their sins to a priest. Sodomy went from blasphemous to cosmopolitan in a matter of years. When, in reality, it's neither. It's just another aspect of human life that we need to accept and then move on with our lives without making fools of ourselves by over-accepting them like THIS.

It goes back to when Lance Bass came out. Lance Bass made the "brave" declarative statement that he was in a fact a homosexual. I responded with "Great Lance Bass, can you sing that fucking Rocky & Bullwinkle song again? Thanks." Lance Bass went from "one of the three guys who wasn't Justin Timberlake in N'Sync" to relevant topic in the amount of seconds it took him to shout to the world that he loves penis. Because of our nation's new found love of alternative lifestyles, people like Lance Bass always made me suspicious of people who claim their gay just for the attention America is going to give them.

And I was right, but it's not just the people in the media. A multitude of college girls have taken their daddy issues to astronomically depressing heights by trying to trick us into believing their bisexual. You know what I'm talking about. Every now and then you'll go on to one of your female friend's Facebook pages and notice that she's interested in both "men" and "women." And when you ask her what happens she'll respond with something along the lines of "ooooh you know I just feel like humans aren't supposed to limit their sexuality to just ONE gender!" At first, you're happy for their new, if not stupid, outlook on life, but then you realize their experimentation with the same sex has never gone passed the point of saying she likes them on Facebook.

These girls obviously aren't bisexual. They're just emo girls pissed off at the way society made them so they're attempting to get back at all of us by trying to make us feel uncomfortable. They're the equivalent of bandwagon Red Sox fans only they still don't watch any of the games. Now that decades of persecution have gone by and we're actually starting to be accepting in society, let's just jump right in and say we love them too!

It's actually a smart idea. You get all the attention and social benefits of being a lesbian, but without having to go through the trouble of actually having sex with a woman. Congratulations girl, you found the loophole that allows you to be as far away from vagina as you possibly can and still get 10% off drinks at the Leather Jacket night club.

Perhaps it's just a step in the acceptance process of homosexual equality, but I really wish it would stop already. The more you think that someone's more socially enlightened just because they're gay, the more you are hurting the cause and preventing true equality from happening.

Wisdom

An older asian woman gave me this piece of advice today at my job training (in broken english):

Asian Lady:It easier to get master degree after you get bachelor.

Wisdom.

Some Moves Dont Work

Hitting on women is kind of like playing baseball. Sometimes you go 3-4 with a homer, sometimes you go 0-5 with 4 Ks. You hit slumps and it seems no matter what you do you cant get a hit. Other times your on fire and no matter where you make contact with the ball you get on base. I am in a slump.
Failed Attempt to Wingman
My roomate was attempting to hook up with a girl he met a previous night. I had the dubious honor of entertaining her fat friend. Me being Broseph Goebbels, the best wingmen in the biz, I had my work cut out for me. My roomate decided that he was going to make things more difficult. So what song does my roomate decide to play on the jukebox at the bar....Queen --- Fat Bottom Girl. Now this wouldnt be so bad..but as the song plays my roomate points out how he picked this song. Saying things such as: Klunge Rod! FAT BOTTOM GIRL yea!!!!!!!! I PICKED THIS!!!!! YEA KLUNGE ROD FAT BOTTOM GIRL THIS IS OUR SONG!! So as i sit there, with a fat girl, with fat bottom girls playing I decided the only move to make was...pretending I was watching a taped New England Revolution game. Nevertheless, he failed to hook up with his prize as fat girl and some other girl swooped her away before my roomate could attempt to close it out (baseball metaphor).

More Failed Attempts
I have a move called the picture move. Anytime a girl asks me to take pictures of her and her friends I jump in the picture afterwards. Great Icebreaker. Not tonight. I got the same look after trying this move that a person making a feeble attempt on hitting on someone would get. I also walked into a random house which ended up being filled with 8 girls and was told to get the hell out. Went up to a girl in my sport finance class and said hey are u in my sport finance class. She sarcastically replied yup, guess ill see you tuesday and laughed at me. The laugh was a "this is a pathetic attempt at hitting on me" laugh. Will be an interesting class Tuesday. Also got bested by a chadbro.

The Silver Lining
Even when you go 0-5 you can still help your team win. A guy dressed as Pee Wee Herman was calling an indian guy Samir. The Indian's guys name was not Samir. So obviously he got offended and slapped pee wee hermans phone out of his hand. I took Pee Wee aside and said "are you going to let that guy ron artest you." And Pee Wee said, "No!!." So him and his friend decided to pummell "samir" in the head with their fists. I was happy to have instigated. In any event it saved the evening. Hopefully I can break out of the mini slump.

Bonus Text
Roomate: My father said always eat whats in front of you (talking about the fat chick I had to wingman for)
Me: Its like when ur mom put the green beans in front of you I'll eat it but I dont have to like it

Typical Eastern Massachusettsan (sic?)

Me: you live near a beach
Eastern Mass Girl: 20 minutes
Me: Lucky
Me: Being from western mass ive never seen a beach
Eastern Mass Girl: you have NEVER seen a beach!?

Ridiculous Pro Wrestling Characters Part 1: "The Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman

Growing up in the 90's, the World Wrestling Federation provided me with many years of entertainment. Many insane years of absolutely ludicrous entertainment. The fact that I ended up going to a film school where we dissect and discus the aesthetic integrity of a text totally amazes even me after spending years of my life thinking cutting-egde television was watching Macho Man Randy Savage desperately trying to make just one coherent sentence in a ten minute promo.

Here at Emerson, I take a lot of classes in television writing and development. While its art and you can't really teach it, there are still quite a number of rules and guidelines you have to follow. Well I'm proud to say that the WWF completely shattered and broke every single one of these rules with each and every storyline and feud they ever scripted.

Yes, I know wrestling is fake. Did you really think after watching the Undertaker steal somebody’s soul I'm going to be wondering about that? No. No shit its fake. So is everything else we see on TV. All the terrible acting and nonsensical storylines are predetermined and scripted by the WWF creative team writers. And you could only be a WWF writer unless you were absolutely insane.

Some of the stuff they would write was so illogical, that it became an entirely new way of thinking. The people who came up with the storylines defied common sense so often and so hard that I became convinced that I was crazy for even questioning what was going on my TV screen.

This is going to be the first of many articles I’ll eventually post that deals with the most ridiculous wrestling characters of all time. Each one will have a character bio and my favorite moment. Enjoy the insanity!

"The Lethal Weapon" Steve Blackman

Steve Blackman combined the nunchuck twirling skills of a karate master with the personality of a struggling car salesman. After he got done twirling whatever martial arts weapon the WWF writers remembered from their Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics, it was obvious that Steve Blackman had no idea why he was in a wrestling ring, or why there was someone across from him who wanted to attack him.

Whenever he had the opportunity to not just twirl his weapons and actually use them in a fight, it became clear that Steve Blackman's knowledge of martial arts weapons was limited to twirling and only that. He would literally just spin his weapons for about five minutes while the guy he was fighting would stagger around before he realized that actually hitting his opponents might be a more effective way of hurting them.

Favorite moment: Steve Blackman runs over Ken Shamrock with a car



Steve Blackman lacked so much charisma, he couldn't even make attempted vehicular homicide look interesting. If you're trying to kill a guy with a car, WHY WOULD YOU GO IN REVERSE? Seriously any one who has ever seen Chris Tucker, Will Smith or any crazy black guy action movie knows what kind of SERIOUS shit you can fuck up with your ride. And Steve Blackman chose probably the least efficient way humanly possible. My grandmother drives faster than that when she's NOT trying to kill somebody.

Also why did he get out of the car? If you had just attempted to kill someone, isn't a getaway part of the process? And wouldn't the car you WERE JUST IN be an ideal mode of getaway transportation? And why the fuck is he wearing a track uniform???? Seriously, I looked up the results of this particular show and not once could I find something that explained why a Samurai who’s supposed to have extensive knowledge of lethal weapons was not only trying to kill somebody with a Saturn, but doing it right before he ran a marathon.

Easy Solution

AIM Away Message
Someone on my buddy list: "I'm not answering any messages right now."

Easy Solution: Log offline

I just thought I would share this with the world:

A Letter To Outlaw Certain Shirtless Dudes

**originally posted from my blog but i figured its appropriate here**


















What’s your first though seeing all of these pictures? That’s right: THIS SHOULD ALL BE ILLEGAL! Nowadays not only are more and more dudes who have upper bodies that should never see the light of day taking their shirts off, they’re doing it in the most inappropriate of public places. Something needs to be done about this.

I was outside last weekend grilling and these two (completely out of shape) dudes who were friends with my friends thought to themselves “you know what would be a good idea to do around all these slabs of meat and flame retardant chemicals?” “I know! Let’s TAKE OFF OUR SHIRTS! These two taken chicks and this one dude will LOVE it!” And they did. Not being confused about my sexuality, I left my t-shirt right where it belonged: on my body. Being the odd man out and needing a place to burst out laughing, I had to excuse myself.

Sometimes mentally handicapped people like those two dudes need the government to step in to prevent them from further embarrassing themselves and their community. This is why we have warning labels on hair dryers telling you not to use them in the shower. And this is also where I come in. The following is my official law proposal to the state of California that will hopefully outlaw these type of people from ever showing their naked flesh to you or your family. You’re welcome.

Dear California:

I am writing to you because of a disturbing trend I’ve noticed within your male community. More and more often I am noticing your kind removing their shirts in order for us to see their bare chests. The problem is I’d rather watch a marathon of cesarean sections than to ever have to put up with the site of their disgusting bodies. Cause let’s face it California, there are certain people out there who shouldn’t even take their shirts off to bathe. Before I get into how we punish these people, I’d like to take this time to list just exactly what type of people I’m referring to.

1.) People who think “skinny” means “in shape”
Some people don’t know whether they’re low body fat came as a result of hard exercise or a long struggling addiction to cocaine. So they figure they’re going to let the rest of the world figure it out for them by removing their clothes. And guess what, it’s usually the latter and never the former. If I wanted to see a sad tale of drug abuse, I would have just watched all of Robin William’s stand up again.
2.) Completely hairless creatures
These are the kind of people most likely to take off their shirts in order to show off their lack of genetics. Way to rub it in all of our faces, dickhead. Just be aware all men with hair on their chest are just a bottle of Nair and a cigarette lighter away from being in the same position you freaks are.
3.) Covered in tribal tattoos
Just because you grew up on a cul-de-sac but read a comic book that had someone of your heritage getting a tattoo of something, doesn't automatically mean you have to get that same meaningless shape sewed permanently into your body. Stop displaying your bad life mistakes to the world, as I have no interest in knowing about them.


Those are a just two of the many different types of people who should be wearing long sleeve shirts and parkas all the time. But how do we deal with these types of people? Here’s my proposal:

Murder

Okay really here’s my proposal:

If you see someone showing you how malnourished they are via the process of shirt removal, and if they’re doing it in a public place that’s not a beach, you are within complete legal rights to throw whatever you want at them and call them a homo until they put it back on. Such items would include, but not be limited to pencils, tennis balls, paper airplanes, and throwing stars. If they still insist on displaying their hatred for exercise, you can graduate your weapons to bats, hockey sticks, and other blunt objects. Continue this process until they lose consciousness or exposed and disgusting torso is covered with a shirt.

So there ya go California, I hope you have been listening. Do this for the children of tomorrow who’d rather not to be exposed to the effects of heroine of the body. Most importantly, do it for yourself.

Sincerely rockin’
Andrew “Geno” Geanacopoulos

Greatest Text Message Ever (male)

"There is like 26 girls and 4 guys here..but im sure it will pick up in a little bit"

The Gum-Drug Metaphor

One of the age old questions is given a type/brand of gum what drug is it similar too? Last night we answered that question.

So as my friends and I furiously debated over which gum was which drug we came up with the following.

Zebra Gum -- Crack
Zebra Gum may be the best tasting gum of all time. However as everyone knows Zebra gum lasts about 30 seconds. In drug terms this is about 5-10 minutes. Now I wikipediad Crack and found that the high of Crack releases a bunch of chemicals in your brain that make you feel good for about 5-10 minutes. Zebra Gum and Crack both have their advantages (zebra gum -- great tasting, TATOOS!, crack -- great feeling, great stories) But both have the disadvantage of not lasting long.

Stride Gum -- Cocaine
Stride Gum is the cocaine of the gum world. Stride gum is a white collar gum that costs more than zebra gum and lasts alot longer too. Stride Gum is essentially made up of the same thing as Zebra Gum. That thing would be gum. Crack and Cocaine are made up of the same thing as well. (Cocaine). I wikipediad Cocaine and could not find how long the cocaine high lasts so I made up that the high lasts one hour. Stride gum lasts about 10 minutes which in the gum to drug time conversion formula is 1 hour. Cocaine also doesnt have as much of a high as crack. Similarly, Stride doesnt taste good as Zebra gum. So to recap advantages of Cocaine -- high lasts longer, your cooler if you buy it. Stride -- taste lasts longer, cooler if u buy it. Disadvantages of Cocaine (not as good a high, trying to be white collar) Disadvantages of Stride (not as good tasting, no cool zebra tatoos)

The Most Awkward Conversation I Ever Had

There's this girl who also goes to Emerson who works next to me at Film Roman. Don't get me wrong. She's a really nice girl, a very hard worker but...well, just keep reading.

*Think the Asian girlfriend from Knocked Up

It comes down to 1pm, and at this time we both coincidentally decide to take our lunch break.

"Where are you going?" she asks
"Subway" I replied.
"Oh I can give you a ride,"

Seeing how I had no car and Subway was about a ten minute walk, I decided to go with her. This means I had to find at least something to talk to her about seeing how we were sharing a ride and about to have lunch together. So I tried to think of things to talk to her about, and I remember that she came in about fifteen minutes late that morning. I decided to go with that.

"So I saw you came in late today,"
"Yeeeeaaah"
"Did you miss your alarm clock or something?" I said, because I figure that's the most normal reason why someone would come in late to work. I would soon find out that this was giving her way to much benefit of the doubt.

"No that's not the reason. Do you know the show Chuck?"
"Um...yeah."

For those who don't know Chuck is a (terrible) action-comedy show on NBC, if you coudln't tell by the picture on the right.

Wondering how a struggling primetime NBC replacement show could possibly have caused someone to come in late to work, I made the mistake of asking her why.

"Well, I really, really like the show" she said. I knew things weren't going to go so well after that. "I was having this dream where like I was his girlfriend."

Struggling to make sense of a completely nonsensical situation I stammered, "Oh, um...yeah sometimes I have dreams that are so intense I don't get up til late."

"Oh no, I got up in time. I just wanted to go back to sleep have that dream again."

"...."

I had nothing. I had absolutely nothing for that. I tried as best as I could to change the subject but my brain was so confused that I couldn't even talk for the rest car ride there. I couldn't even think of anything to say while we're ordering food at Subway. Not even when we sat down. And this was all a huge mistake because it gave her the opportunity to take control of the conversation. And what's the first thing she decides to talk about when we sit down? You guessed it, World of War Craft.

For the next ten minutes or so that's all she was talking about. And it wasn't like she was just talking and telling me about her elves and warlocks in an informative manner. She was trying to be satirical about it. Only I, like 95% of the normal world don't have a goddamn clue about the nuances of an MMORPG. It was like a stand-up comedian who tried to do observational comedy using only Dungeon & Dragon references. "I mean what's the deal with Elves??? I mean am I supposed to be impressed with your magic when you're only three foot tall??? Also, don't you just hate it when you're in a party of six and NO ONE has a key to the secret dungeon? I mean helllllooooooo????"

And just when I asked God what I possibly could've done to deserve all this she for some reason brings up the last possible thing I ever wanted to know about her: her love life in high school.

She explained "Ugh I use to know this guy who had a crush on me in high school. He was such a nerd. I used to him beat up and stuff him in lockers." It was at this point where my entire universe was tipped upside down. In my eyes, you could literally see my brain come to a screeching halt because it had enough trying to make sense of ANYTHING. Up became down, black became white, Mannequin became The Godfather, and having sexual fantasies of NBC characters and revolving your life around WoW apparently wasn't the nerdiest thing you could do.

I can't even begin to explain to you how frightening it is to even begin to picture someone so nerdy that even she was forced to attack him. That's like dividing by zero. That's like the cast of Glee gay-bashing somebody. The human brain was not meant to picture these kind of things.

So that's my story of the most awkward conversation I've ever had in my life. I hate to sound mean, but I needed to write about it and get it off my chest.

Our Competition

http://cuteboysmakemenervous.blogspot.com/

As frightening as it is to accept, this blog and the people who write in it actually exist. I implore all of our friends to come together to make Last Nights Gamble a hit and -- more importantly -- the exact opposite of this blog.

Fred Slacks is a Winner

You know what sucks? How there's no comedy sketch feauting Will Ferrell as the devil and Garth Brooks. Oh wait a second...

Guarenteed To Be Funny When Your Cocked

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YK7J0jYKpiY